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I’m hear – Liv Anne Learn

liv-anne-learnDear Liv,

How do I tell my best friend to quit complaining while we work out? I simply can’t take another day!

Fit and Frustrated

Well Sista,

There’s a couple of ways you can handle this. If it’s convenient, just try switching your workout schedule. If that’s not an option, you’ll need to consider what we refer to as Plan B.

First of all, Identify The Issue. Ask yourself what exactly it is about her complaining that drives you nuts? Is it that she complains about the same thing over and over again? Is it that she tends to complain about absolutely everything? Or is it that she’s complaining at a time when you just don’t care to hear about it?

Secondly, Clarify Your Approach. Think about how you’d want to be approached about this. Figure out what needs to be said, and how you’re going to say it. (Sensing empathy in your tone will reduce the chances of a defensive reaction).

Lastly, Await Your Opportunity. Often a single moment will present an ideal opening. For example, while walking on the treadmill, a news bulletin suddenly flashes a negative headline. Take full advantage of this! Casually reply with something like, “The world seems so negative these days, I’ve recently decided to make a conscience effort to become more positive.” Hopefully, your friend will take your comment to heart. If this doesn’t work, you can always try Plan C…move to the elliptical!

Live and Learn

Dear Liv,

My life is in turmoil. I’ve recently separated from my husband, who’s excessive and compulsive lying has finally brought our marriage to a halt. Although I do love him, I don’t know if I can remain in a relationship in which I never seem to feel secure. Unexpectedly, I’ve met a new man. He’s a truly wonderful person, and I really enjoy being with him. As each day passes though, I find myself feeling more and more confused.

Where do I go from here?

Rachel

Rachel, Rachel, Rachel,

STOP THE BUS and get off now. You’re heading in the wrong direction! YOU’RE the one bringing on a good bit of this “turmoil.” Isn’t a marital separation enough drama for you? How can you sort through your true feelings about your husband if you’ve taken on another relationship? Hey, I’m not saying everything’s going to work out all rosy with Lying Louie, but if you don’t try to seek out every possible solution (such as a marriage counselor for example), then you just haven’t given it your all. Remove the other guy from the calculation, as 1+1+1 doesn’t equal 2. If a healthy, secure relationship is what you desire, focus on focusing. Once you discover who you are and what you want, you’ll notice the diffusion of confusion.

Live and Learn

If you would like to ask Liv a question that may be addressed in a future column, send a short email to livannelern@gmail.com.

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