By D. Bob Sauer

Welcome to my column this time.

I decided to make this one rhyme.

If it does not appeal,

Make you giggle or squeal,

Tough beans––I don’t care, slap a mime.


The point of this schtick is not pities

For those living in valley cities.

You can’t help where you’re from

Could be homeless for some.

It’s just Dangerous Bob’s May ditties.


Living in the Fox Cities is trippy

Especially for all us ex-hippies.

If you think you see trails

When it rains or it hails,

It’s only Yellow Sunshine from the sixties.


A guy named Sid from Li’l Chute

Wanted music so he bought a flute.

He inhaled instead.

So ”It’s stuck,” he said.

Now he toots with a sneeze or a poot.


Darboy is home to ol’ Chuck

Who apparently ran out of luck.

Turned wrong on CB.

Hit a gigundous tree.

A round-a-bout right here––what the ****?


The bluejays all fly to Menasha

Where bird feeders don’t offer sasha.

So for whisky or bitters

Walk right into Jitters,

And get a Leinies chaser––ya hafta.


Appleton’s mayor is Tim.

Ran for office they say on a whim.

He’s been there so long

They wrote him a song.

“You’ll need eleven more verses,” said him.


A paper mill is hot like a sauna

But so is my new girlfriend Donna.

With both of us thinkin,’

We should kiss where it’s stinkin,’

We parked and smooched in Kaukauna.


We have villes, Mack, Horton, and Green

On the outskirts or so it would seem.

When they go into town,

They can’t help but frown.

“Pay to park? What the hell?” they scream.


We Neenah alums are all Rockets.

But just like electrical sockets,

If it’s not in far enough

There’s no juice for your stuff.

You’ll have to find love in your pockets.


Our big mall lies in Grand Chute.

All the maidens who work there are cute.

But the strip club is gone

So the dancers are drawn

To Waupaca to jiggle their fruit.


The Locks are combined down river.

Don’t walk on the planks ’cuz they sliver.

If you golf by the falls

You might lose your balls.

Just hold them tight and don’t quiver.


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