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Category Archives: Seriously Funny

Saved by the Blue Ribbon

PABST_BELT_BUCKLE

BY NICK OLIG When Joel was asked to pick the most interesting thing that happened to him on December 28th, 2013, he felt the answer was obvious. “I got shot. By a bullet.” He paused, grinned, and added, “From a gun.” That marked the first and only time he has been shot by a bullet from a gun, but compared ... Read More »

Always Right

Left Handed Day

By D. Bob Sauer A fundamental part of the human condition which enables us to physically manipulate things is our handedness––as in being right handed. The right side of our bodies, including internal and external appendages, is inherently designated to be the dominant side. For example, your right arm is stronger and more nimble than your left; your right leg ... Read More »

Afully Pretty

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By D. BOB SAUER I’m almost certain we met on a Wednesday. Yep, it was definitely a Wednesday because I remember thinking to myself how ironic it was that she was smoking Camels on hump day. We were the only people in the Laundromat at the time, but come on, it’s still a public place and you’re not supposed to ... Read More »

I Was in There Once

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By D. Bob Sauer Any self-respecting arts and entertainment publication worth its salt and pepper has, within its pages, a meaningful, objective, and unbiased food critic. The SCENE is truly blessed to have the lovely and talented Alysa assume that important role with her Restaurants and Pubs column in the Food and Drink section. For those three or four readers ... Read More »

Limer-icky

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By D. Bob Sauer Welcome to my column this time. I decided to make this one rhyme. If it does not appeal, Make you giggle or squeal, Tough beans––I don’t care, slap a mime.   The point of this schtick is not pities For those living in valley cities. You can’t help where you’re from Could be homeless for some. ... Read More »

Cat Tale

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By D. Bob Sauer One of the more interesting episodes in my long list of career choices was working in the kitchen at Shaggy Oak assisted-living facility. This was a nursing home that served a variety of seniors whose needs ranged from a place to recover from surgery to constant care for the chronically ill. The kitchen was a busy, ... Read More »

Declassified Ads

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By D. Bob Sauer Articles for Sale Gut Buster workout machine. Never used, not even once. $50.00 Call Sarah Lee 800 697-0000 Pit Bull (brown and white, named “Gummy Bear”). Toothless, slow eater, harmless bite. Good or moderately OK home needed. $25.00 or best offer over 25 cents. 414 920-7150 For sale or trade- Korean time-share condo on north side ... Read More »

Brain Drain

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By D. Bob Sauer At least three times a week I meet with my court-appointed mental health care professional. Every time we get together I jokingly call him “the rapist,” and every time, he sternly reminds me that “therapist” is one word. After we, every time, get through that monotonously moronic exchange, I’m required to spill my guts on a ... Read More »

Mammary Lane

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By D. Bob Sauer To simply state that I am lactose tolerant would be to udderly understate the level of my condition. A more accurate description would be to say that I am lactose indulgent. I proudly belong to a class of higher vertebrates, namely mammals, which means that as a youngster I was nourished with milk secreted through mammary ... Read More »

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